wow... i miss her.

i'm not sure what sucks worse – not having her in my life at all or being friends and having to deal with moving through life, pretending like nothing ever even happened? i don’t know. and i don’t know why i still care at this point... but i do.

damnit.

most of all, i don’t know why it even matters. or why i (*STILL*) can’t stop thinking about her. oh... yeah, and the scariest realization of all – those feelings were real. i mean... they. were. REAL. sure, it was definitely attraction... physical. emotional. intellectual. spiritual attraction... and probably a bit of general fascination. curiousity. friendship... yeah, such a great freakin friendship...

*siiiigh*

but wow. turns out it was love too...

who knew.